I hate saying goodbye.

I hate a lot of things, actually. For instance, I don’t like that I can’t seem to get enough sleep.  I despise that I have to work so hard and achieve so little. But most of all, I hate that every minute of every day seems rushed.

I realized that I’ve had difficulty in setting my priorities straight since school began this year. It’s not the extra-curriculars or loads of homework that mess with my mind- it’s time. There’s just no time.

When I was a sophomore, I remembered hearing about how difficult junior year was going to be and rolling my eyes because I was usually great about organizing my time. Then school started and I realized how wrong I was, very quickly.

The saddest part about no time is that I spend less of it at home and entirely too much time at school or at football games. I’m missing out on too much whenever I’m not home, and one of the things I missed was my dog’s death.

My dog.

I’ve never been a social person so making friends is something I have trouble with. To compensate for my awkwardness, my sister-in-law let me have one of the puppies she’d gotten from her mother. He was a month old, chocolate colored Deer Chihuahua. I don’t usually like small dogs because I think they’re annoying with their high-pitched barks but, at the risk of sounding like a valley girl, he was totally cute. And being a complete movie snob, I named him Bolt. Yes, like the dog from that Disney movie.

He wasn’t the best dog in the world, though. He was pretty high maintenance and there were times when I wished I hadn’t adopted him into my family. He was boring during the day and restless at night. Whenever I fed him he’d make such a mess by dumping his food onto the floor. He refused to be walked with a leash and constantly gave me a heart attack whenever he’d run towards cars in the street. He was downright frustrating.

Then my perspective changed around Christmas. Maybe it was just the festive holiday feeling or the fact that I loved cold weather, but that dog never left my side. Whenever I felt sad he’d be right there trying to comfort me. The small dwarf hamster I previously owned passed away during Thanksgiving and Bolt just sat by me and let me pet him for what seemed like the longest time ever.

See, I get attached to animals in a way that I can’t explain.  They become family and I have this need to be protective of them. This dog just knew everything I was feeling. It was all pretty strange considering my horrible luck with animals. Yes, I have bad luck with living creatures. I’ve gone through so many hamsters and bunnies that it isn’t even funny.

I mentioned that Bolt hated leashes. He was a wanderer and often liked to roam the streets of my neighborhood. That insanely stubborn dog refused to listen to my incessant shouts telling him to come back to the house. So how did Bolt die? Somebody ran him over and didn’t look twice about it. It isn’t as if my lawn is empty now because it isn’t. My sister has five other dogs but it just isn’t the same. Those dogs never play fetch or listen to anything. They’re barbaric.

But the point is that I missed out on the critical moment of my best friend’s death and it just doesn’t seem fair. I’m angry. I’m furious. I’m outraged not only at myself, but at my all too conflicting schedule. If my dog cared enough to literally comfort me and follow me everywhere then I could have done the same for him. But I didn’t. I couldn’t and I regret it terribly and I wish I could rewind time.

However, since time travel is impossible, the only solution I have is to stop stressing out about schedules and time tables and focus on what’s important. My grades. My devotion to the extra- curriculars I’m involved in. Family. Those are what’s important and if I manage my time right and keep a consistent mindset then hopefully I won’t miss out on too much.

May that annoying, high maintenance, loving, and loyal Chihuahua rest in peace.