Someone once said that it’s choice, not chance, that defines our future. Who would have ever thought that making such a simple decision could ever be so difficult?

I’ve never been any good at coping with changing aspects in my life. I even get a bit freaked out in deciding whether or not to paint my bedroom walls a different color. I’m not sure what it is that makes me this way but I pray I’m not the only one who’s remotely scared about growing up. Yes, it’s completely normal to be a bit unsure of the future but when I panic, I literally panic.

I don’t like change. I like sticking to the status quo and blending into the crowd at every chance I get. But as a dear friend once pointed out, why fit in when we’re naturally born to stand out? We’re all different and truthfully, there’s no definition of normal. Ever heard of the expression ‘new is the new normal’? Yeah. I’m still working on that one.

Something new.

For the past six years, I’ve only had one constant extra-curricular: band. It was my choice to try it out in the first place way back at the end of fifth grade. Well, mostly because one of my friends at the time wanted to try it and I went along with it. She didn’t end up making the cut but for some unknown reason, I did. In the summer I got a letter explaining what I had to do.

So here I am, letter. Six years in and still loving to challenge myself with music and eventually, marching. It hasn’t been easy. Nothing in life ever is but it’s been one heck of a ride. I love my flute and the feeling I get when I learn a new piece of music (even if along the way I might swear a bit out of frustration). The end result is always a good one. Concerts are warming although we could do without the crying babies in the audience. I’ve tried not keeping the mindset of playing my instrument but rather telling a story.

Well, okay. My story hasn’t always been in tune but it’s always been comforting and fun. I may not be the best flute player our band has but I think I’ve done decently because there’s always room for improvement. The funny thing is that I’m quitting.

Yes. I’m a quitter.

It began to hit me a couple weeks into August when we had our last summer band rehearsal. The directors were giving a spiel about how glad they were to have us working so hard and doing so well (and we were. Summer weather is always brutal). It was at that precise moment that I realized what I would be missing out on for next year.  I wouldn’t be co-section leader with Valentina like I was this year. I wouldn’t get to walk down the football field on senior night and have the announcer call out my name and what my plans were. I’d miss out on the bus rides and the jokes, and just the time with all of my friends. I’ll face it, those kids have been my family for a while now and it’s because of them that I’ve come to acknowledge the importance of being around those who share common interests.

But like every good thing, it must come to an end. Did I ever plan to do something with music? No. I did it because of that one small choice. Did I want to stay? Yes, then no.

There are pros and cons for me when it comes to band. The thing I hated the most about it was how time consuming it became. I missed out on family events because of my prior commitment to it. It was hectic for my parents to drive me back and forth to events because of their own work schedules so usually, I was always picked up late. (Ask Ms. Dillard and she’ll tell you how many times I was the last person to get picked up).

Now, what I loved the most about it all besides learning how to read music? The friends I’ve made. Most of the best friends I have right now I met in band. The conversations we’ve all had as a family and the fact that I’ve learned a few life lessons from it that I possibly wouldn’t have gotten anywhere else: dedication. Patience. Endurance. Pride. Passion. Those are all important aspects that I’ll continue to carry with me.

I mentioned earlier about my inability to cope with change and I know there are others in our school who are deciding whether or not they want to stay in something or quit. To those students I say to follow their heart. Don’t do something just because a friend or a parent is pressuring them to do it. Stay or go because it’s what their heart feels. I want them to tell their brain to shut up for a second (it really works) and don’t overanalyze the way I did. Just go with it. If it takes a couple of seconds or a couple of days, it’s okay.

I’m not saying I regret band because I don’t. I love it. But it’s time for me to change. To try something different and spread my wings so I can fly. I’m going to miss it. I’m going to miss everybody whom I’ve made friends with and I’ll miss the directors for their everlasting patience every time I messed something up.

So, thanks.

And the decision I have been battling with over this past year? Well, it was my choice to join band and now I’m choosing to let something I love go so something else can happen. It was chance that I learned so many life lessons and made friends that I pray will still keep in touch after all this is over.  My lesson here: everything happens out of choice or chance. Whether we let that affect our future is up to only us because we only live once, but if we do it right, once is enough.